Observing Your Child’s Behaviour: A 14-Day Plan

Is it worth taking notes before a consultation?

After another difficult morning, do you wonder why your child reacts so strongly to seemingly ordinary situations? Getting dressed, leaving the house, the end of a cartoon or coming home from preschool can sometimes bring up a lot of emotion. One such moment does not tell us much on its own, because a child’s behaviour is shaped by the whole day: sleep, hunger, noise, rushing or a change of plans.

In practice, calmly observing everyday life for two weeks can be helpful. Not to try to label your child’s behaviour on your own, but to notice what keeps recurring. Brief notes can also make it easier to speak with a paediatrician or psychologist if you decide to arrange a consultation.

It is worth recording not only difficult moments. Situations in which your child finds it easier to cooperate, regains calm more quickly or copes well with change can be just as informative. This fuller picture can help you notice what may support your family during an ordinary day.

A 14-day observation plan

You do not need a detailed spreadsheet or hours to complete your notes. A few sentences after a more significant situation, or a short summary in the evening, are enough. The most important thing is to record similar information in a simple, consistent way over the following days.

Days 1–3: look at the rhythm of the day

For the first three days, do not try to draw conclusions yet. Treat this time as a way to gather basic information about what your child’s day looks like. Note the times they wake up, nap, eat meals, return home and fall asleep.

Pay particular attention to everyday pressure points. These may include putting on shoes, brushing teeth, finishing play or waiting for a meal. Also note whether there was rushing, visitors, travel, illness or a change of plans that day.

You could record, among other things:

• what time of day your child is more likely to become upset;
• when they are most calm and engaged;
• how they respond to requests and being told no;
• whether they move easily from one activity to another;
• what happens after they return from nursery, preschool or school.

Days 4–10: choose situations that keep coming back

Over the following days, focus on one or two areas that stand out most to you. This may be protesting when getting dressed, feeling very tense after screen time ends, difficulty with eating or a strong reaction to noise. You do not need to describe every small emotion throughout the day.

For each situation you record, include what happened beforehand, what your child did and what happened next. This makes it easier to see the whole situation, rather than only its most intense part. It is also worth noting your own response and whether anything helped reduce the tension, even a little.

This format may be useful:

1. What was happening beforehand?

For example: your child came home from preschool hungry, was finishing a game or was waiting in a queue.

1. How did your child respond?

Describe it specifically: they cried, raised their voice, moved away, threw a toy or did not respond.

1. What happened afterwards?

Write down how the adult responded, approximately how long the tension lasted and what happened afterwards.

Days 11–14: look for recurring elements

At the end of the observation period, do not try to find one answer to every question. Sometimes a difficulty appears only when several things overlap: tiredness, hunger and the need to leave quickly. It is therefore worth looking at recurring conditions rather than assigning one definite cause to a single situation.

Check whether difficult moments occur more often in the morning, after preschool, before bedtime or in crowded places. Also notice whether things are easier for your child when they know the plan in advance, have time to transition between activities or can rest somewhere quiet. These can be valuable clues for the days ahead.

At the end, mark the calmer situations too. Perhaps your child handles leaving more easily when given a simple heads-up, or finds it easier to finish playing after a brief warning. This information is just as important as descriptions of difficult episodes.

What is worth observing in children aged 18–72 months?

Between around 18 months and 6 years of age, children can respond very differently, even within the same day. This is not about comparing your child with others or checking whether they are behaving well enough. Instead, it is helpful to notice the conditions in which it is easier for them to take part in activities, communicate their needs and return to a sense of balance.

Attention, movement and stopping

Notice how your child manages during short play, a shared task or while waiting for their turn. Do not judge whether they can sit still for a long time. Instead, record when they easily leave an activity, quickly shift their interest or need a lot of movement.

These observations may be helpful:

• your child often stops an activity they have started;
• they find it hard to return to a task after being distracted;
• they act very quickly before hearing the whole instruction;
• they react strongly when they have to wait;
• after exciting play, they need a lot of time to settle down.

It is worth adding the conditions in which this happens. A situation can look very different after a full day in a group than it does in the morning after a restful night. Specific circumstances can help you better understand whether a difficulty is constant or only appears at certain times.

Emotions, separations and contact with others

Crying, anger, protesting or withdrawing may be your child’s way of showing that something feels overwhelming or that they need support. The intensity of an emotion alone does not explain the situation. That is why it is useful to write down what happened immediately before the reaction and how your child returned to calm.

Pay attention to separations, meeting new people and playing with peers. You might note whether your child seeks closeness, moves away, needs time, protests or manages more easily when a familiar adult is nearby. Some children prefer a hug, while others need quiet or a moment without questions.

It can also be helpful to record how long the reaction lasted and what brought it to an end. Sometimes calmly naming the situation helps; at other times, a break, water, movement or reducing the number of stimuli may help. There is no need to assume that the same approach will work every time.

Everyday routines

A great deal of useful information often appears during ordinary routines. Waking up, breakfast, using the toilet, putting on a coat, leaving the house and settling to sleep at night create a repeating rhythm. These are often the moments when it is easier to notice what regularly makes your child’s day more difficult.

It is especially worth observing transitions. Ending play, tidying up, getting into the car or leaving the playground all require a change in direction. It may be easier for your child when they receive a clear warning, a simple choice or a few minutes to finish what they are doing.

Responses to the environment

Children experience noise, crowds, light, smells and the feel of different materials in different ways. One child may quickly become tired in a shop, while another may become very excited there. It is worth describing these responses without trying to decide exactly what they mean.

Record situations as specifically as possible. Instead of generally saying that your child does not like noise, you could write that they covered their ears when loud music started and wanted to leave the room. This kind of note is clearer and easier to compare later.

How to keep a child behaviour diary

Your diary should be useful, not perfect. If it takes too much time to keep, it will be difficult to stay consistent. It is better to write three specific sentences than to put off making a note because there is no time for a long description.

In practice, you can use a notes app on your phone, a paper calendar or a simple table. Choose a format you can easily return to after a difficult moment. It is helpful if every entry includes similar elements.

Include the following in each note:

• the date and approximate time;
• the place and the people nearby;
• what was happening before your child’s reaction;
• exactly what your child did or said;
• approximately how long the situation lasted;
• how the adult responded;
• what helped and what did not bring relief.

Describe behaviour without assigning intentions to your child. Instead of writing that your child was being spiteful or trying to force something, record the visible facts. For example: after being told that the cartoon was over, they cried for around seven minutes, lay down on the floor and pushed the tablet away.

It is also worth recording the number of similar events during the day. Not every episode needs a separate, detailed description. You could note that between 4.00 pm and 6.00 pm, there were three similar protests when changing activities.

At the end of each entry, leave space for three short questions:

• What might have made this situation easier for my child?
• What did not work this time?
• What did my child do well today?

This last part helps you keep things in perspective. Your child may struggle with one part of the day while also managing wonderfully during play, at mealtimes or during a separation. These calmer moments are worth recording too.

What does one completed day of observation look like?

The 14-day plan is a practical suggestion that can help organise your notes. You can observe for a shorter or longer period, depending on what is possible in your everyday life. Not every day needs many entries: simply note the situations you may want to compare later.

This type of record is similar to a simple ABC child behaviour diary: it includes what happened before the reaction, the behaviour itself and what happened afterwards.

Example 1

Time and situation: 7:40 am, leaving for preschool.
What happened beforehand: There was little time in the morning, and the child did not want to stop building with blocks.
Child’s behaviour: They cried, sat on the floor and pushed their shoes away.
Adult’s response: The adult acknowledged the difficulty, helped put the blocks into a box and offered a choice between two pairs of shoes.
What happened afterwards: The child chose their shoes, put them on with help and left the house.

Example 2

Time and situation: 5:15 pm, the end of playtime at the playground.
What happened beforehand: The child was playing with other children, and the adult reminded them that it would soon be time to go home.
Child’s behaviour: They raised their voice, said “I’m not going” and ran towards the slide.
Adult’s response: The adult moved closer, calmly repeated that it was time to leave and offered one last turn on the slide.
What happened afterwards: After the last turn, the child went to the exit. They were still unhappy but allowed the adult to help them get dressed.

Blank template to copy

You can copy the table into your notebook and fill it in with short, specific sentences.

Time and situation	What happened beforehand?	Child’s behaviour	Adult’s response	What happened afterwards?

How should you record possible reasons for difficult situations?

After a challenging moment, it is easy to think you already know what caused it. Yet a similar reaction may happen for different reasons, depending on how the day has gone. That is why it is better to describe the circumstances in your notes than to draw final conclusions.

Instead of writing that your child became upset because playtime ended, you can record the full picture. Perhaps they had not eaten their afternoon snack, had spent a long time in a noisy place and only then heard that it was time to leave. Several factors together may matter more than any one of them.

It is worth checking the following areas:

• sleep quality and waking during the night;
• a nap, or the lack of one;
• a delayed meal, thirst or refusing food;
• an infection, runny nose, pain or tiredness;
• travel, visitors, a new place or a changed plan;
• noise, crowds, bright light and lots of conversation;
• separation from a parent, conflict with another child or having to wait.

Short, factual notes are helpful. You could write that there were many people in the shop and loud announcements, and your child began crying at the checkout. At another time, it may be worth noting that they were given a meal as soon as they came home from preschool and then moved calmly on to bath time.

Also add situations in which similar conditions occurred but the difficulty did not appear. This matters because it helps avoid making quick judgements. Sometimes it is not the noise itself that matters, but noise after a tiring day and without time to rest.

When might you notice a recurring pattern?

One strong protest does not necessarily mean there is an ongoing difficulty. Your child may react more strongly after a poor night’s sleep, illness, travel or an unusually demanding day. It is more helpful to check whether similar situations return in a similar pattern.

After a few days, compare your entries. Notice whether tension appears more often during a particular activity, at a similar time of day or in a specific place. Also check whether the reactions are similar or whether they change depending on the circumstances.

To keep things simple, you can rate more difficult situations on a scale from 0 to 3:

• 0 - no difficulty occurred;
• 1 - the reaction was brief and your child returned to the activity fairly quickly;
• 2 - the situation clearly disrupted the day’s plans and adult support was needed;
• 3 - the reaction was very strong or lasted a long time and made it difficult to continue with the day.

This scale is not for judging your child. It simply helps you see whether the tension is lower, similar or greater over the following days. You may also notice that the difficulty does not disappear but happens less often or ends more quickly.

After 14 days, it is useful to look at the first and final entries. Notice whether anything has changed in the number of episodes, how long they last or the situations that come before them. If your child attends a setting outside the home, short, specific information from their carers may also be helpful.

What should you prepare for a consultation with a paediatrician or psychologist?

For a consultation, it is worth bringing more than a description of the most difficult moments. A picture of your child’s typical day will also be useful: sleep, eating, play, communicating needs and relationships with others. This helps ensure the conversation is not based only on one intense event.

Write down whether there have been any noticeable changes recently. Perhaps your child wakes more often at night, responds differently to meals, no longer wants to do activities they used to enjoy or finds separations harder. It is helpful to give specific examples and say how long you have noticed these changes.

Communication and everyday needs

Note how your child shows what they need. They may use words, gestures, eye contact, lead an adult by the hand or communicate through their behaviour. It is also worth describing how they respond to simple requests and being told no.

Prepare brief information about:

• how your child asks for help, food or a break;
• how they show anger, pain, fear or tiredness;
• whether they communicate differently at home and elsewhere;
• how they respond to the presence of children and adults;
• what usually helps them feel safer.

Play, group settings and strengths

Describe what your child enjoys doing and what happens when play is interrupted or someone changes the rules. You might include waiting for a turn, sharing, responding to losing and taking part in activities with others. This information shows what everyday life is like in different situations.

Do not overlook your child’s strengths. Record their favourite activities, the people they feel comfortable with and the approaches that help them regain calm. This is an important part of the picture because it shows what can support them in everyday life going forward.

What should you avoid during observation?

The most common trap is recording only crisis moments. After a difficult situation, it is easy to remember mainly the crying, shouting or tension. Yet a calm departure from home or a successful end to play also deserve a brief note.

It is also worth avoiding labels that do not describe how the situation unfolded. Words such as lazy, naughty or manipulative may come from tiredness, but they do not help you see what actually happened. A description of the behaviour, timing and circumstances offers much more.

Do not judge your own response based on one situation either. In a difficult moment, every parent may respond differently than they intended. In the diary, it is enough to honestly record what was said or done and what happened afterwards.

If difficulties clearly become more intense, last a long time or affect sleep, eating, play, relationships or participation in preschool, it is worth speaking with a paediatrician or psychologist without waiting. A diary does not replace a consultation, but it can help you describe the situation calmly and specifically.

Summary: 14 days to help bring order to everyday life

A two-week observation period may not provide one answer to the question of where a particular behaviour comes from. However, it can reveal important details: when things are harder for your child, what increases tension and what brings at least some relief. That is already a great deal when everyday situations start to feel tiring or hard to understand.

The most useful notes are short, specific and free from judgement. Record what happened before the situation, how your child responded, what the adult did and how the moment ended. Remember to include sleep, meals, health, changes of plan and environmental conditions too.

Before a consultation, prepare a short summary from your diary:

• the most difficult situations and how often they occur;
• the times of day and places where tension appears more often;
• conditions that may make everyday life easier for your child;
• support strategies that were at least somewhat helpful;
• questions you would like to discuss.

If you need help organising your observations or are wondering whether it is worth discussing your child’s behaviour with a professional, complete the consultation form. You can use your notes as a calm starting point for a further conversation.

Sources

1. American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), “How to Prepare for a Visit with a Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrician”.
2. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), “Concerned About Your Child’s Development?”.
3. Kent Community Health NHS Foundation Trust, “My Behaviour”.